i am an event coordinator. and not just your small 100 person event, but an event that draws thousands for one short morning. with this in mind, i am in training here in nashville and have that overwhelming since of "how in the world can i do this?" i asked my friend and trainer how she handles everything. she quickly retorted "you can't do this alone so don't even think about it." and for what seems like the first time, i don't want to. i admit, my first reaction is to wonder why i can't just do it all myself. my small mind bends towards thinking it would be so much easier. i can control myself. i can tell myself what to do. i can depend on myself. but when you get into "needing" other people, that's when i gets ever so scary. albeit, i am now set-up to have to need people on a daily basis. need the community. need a dependable person. and however scary this is to me concerning my job, it seems like this fear goes much deeper. it feels as if this notion has been in my ways much longer than the american heart association has been in my life. i sit back and wonder what it's like to need people (or a person) and be ok. how does it feel to relish the fact that you are created for community?
i realize the Lord is doing some work in me concerning trust, dependency, and fear. all of which take on several forms and faces in this walk of mine. but as i look towards the Lord i remember He is the gentlest of surgeons and it would be folly to get up from the operating table. folly to think you can go it alone, continuing to harbor whatever form of sickness, and forgo the operation. sure when operated on you are exposed to the surgeon, sure you are vulnerable to nicks and cuts. but the operating process is something that will yield healing and restoration, and much faster that any home remedy we may swallow, believing it to be a swifter, easier way.
and so now i see the Lord, yet again, showing me that He IS community. He is the Trinity. three in one. if He is constantly in community, how much more do i need?
"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me. Your builders make haste; your destroyers and those who laid you waste go out from you. Lift up your eyes around and see; they all gather, they come to you. As I live, declares the LORD, you shall put them all on as an ornament; you shall bind them on as a bride does." Isaiah 49:15-18
Thank you Lord for not forgetting me. For not being threatened by these walls and old ways of thinking. Thank you that the old shall be made new and be as an ornament of splender.