Monday, February 2, 2009

donkeys and freedom

i'm about to start this blog off with a sentence, i am sure, that has graced many a blog: i haven't written in awhile but i thought today was as good as any to get back on the train. phew! we got through that atypical sentence with only minor cuts to my pride. moving right along.

God is a mystery. a divine adventure within a Name. the Name. HaShem. i must say that this past month has been a quite particular event in this walk of ours. with a renewed focus and determined stare, i have been refreshed. it all started with the 21 days of prayer and fasting at my church. beginning this new year with a time of letting go has been a ride. not only did i abstain from certain everyday niceties, but i was challenged to fast assuming. we all know the old adage, so i will refrain from repeating it here...but yes it made one of me. a big fat donkey. i must say, when i was asking the Lord what He would like me to give up, assuming was the last thing on my mind. but now i see it was the first on His for me. long have a struggled with fear or battles of the mind. long have i relegated to rest in hypothetical situations in the name of protection. you see, it was out of self-protection that this mind would jump to conclusions that were quickly followed by fear or doubt or walls. but as the Holy Spirit has so gently 'red-flagged' my thought pattern, the catalyst to years of battle has been exposed. no more, my friends.

this bugger named assuming is not the Lord's way. it was a slippery slope, bent on taking me down the longest, windiest shoot possible. however, when i set up my thoughts and subsequent actions to what Jesus says, shall i say, it became a miracle. i complete and utter miracle. and continues to be. if miracling was a word, i would insert it here. a continuous miracle, as it were, is happening in my life. it's like the Lord has set me up for freedom and i'm dancing in the thought of it all.

i cannot give you bold testimonies or qualitative data, but what i can say is that it's wonderful. it's a battle, yes, but it's worth it. every second of 'oh yeah...sorry Lord' is worth it.

that Jesus is a genius, i tell you what.