Wednesday, April 8, 2009

looks like love

"I wont run when it looks like love
I won’t hide beneath the fear
Of how my past has come undone"

"Looks Like Love" by needtobreathe

it has come to my attention as of late that in each personal relational style there is harbored a link to the past. now for what you might know of me, i'm not so into the whole "let's dig up all our past wounds and nurse them all the while gaining new wounds and have to do it again" movement...BUT i am a proponent of when the Holy Spirit awakens your heart to a place where He wants to smooth. the past couple months have been a glorious yet revealing time in my heart where the Holy Spirit has shed light on some habits i've so carefully swept under the proverbial rug.

knowing that this will be an unending cycle, i have actually taken off the big girl pants and become like a child. and it has been an adventure of the heart. i actually go through circumstances with the Lord rather than slap a few memory verses on the issue like a bandaid. done! move on! yet the Lord has so generously given me a crucible as to which i have been broken on. broken to feed more people.

what i am trying to communicate is that i have fear of love. a fear that has been covertly crippling the way i communicate with and love others. the masks. the shame. the wounds. they are very real, yet my God says He is bigger.

so now i have chosen to trust the Lord. trust Him as my protector. my provider. my saviour. what if i actually say what i mean and *gasp* people know what i am really feeling? what an astounding point! what a revelation! now to you it might be small potatoes but to this gal, it's big time.

insert lyrics from needtobreathe. i was riding in my car, windows down of course, and their song "looks like love" came on the shuffle. and that was it....they read my mail. it's a challenge to the heart and a bane to the ego. one of which i long to face with the Lord's help. and help He will.

i am thankful for a saviour who is patient and always good. i am thankful for the Author of Love kissing me first. teaching me. i am thankful. hopeful. His.


"There is no fear in love, for Perfect Love casts out all fear." 1 John 4:18

Friday, April 3, 2009


there are few things i love more than good weather, brown skin, warm water, engaging book and good music. yes, i am speaking of that illustrious day of laying out by the pool (or any body of water for that matter). as i was getting ready this morning, my roommate invited me to spend a day o' sunnin' with her and her friend. um, yes please! i cannot even describe to you the freedom that jumped in my heart as i thought about tomorrow's beautiful day of nothing. and with so much that has hopped on my plate and into my vision, this gift of a wonderful day has already given me hope for good things.

if you know me in the slightest, you know i am a perpetual deep thinker which oftentimes yields itself more trouble than it's worth. i envy those blogs out there which seem so carefree and jovial. i envy the people behind the crafty words of wit and humor. so tomorrow, i'm taking a "i-think-too-much-help-me-for-the-love" break and allowing this mind to lounge. to read magazines with little to no thought. to laugh at nothing. to take a vacation of the mind while my skin begins it's heralded trip to brown-dom.

bring it on sun. bring it on life.