lounge

i've seem to run into a place in life where you are constantly on the brink. your next job, your next boyfriend, your next passion, your next song, your next jump. i seem to be in the perpetual limbo of the next. not that it's bad, good, easy, or scary. but mainly that it's all so uncertain and not at all what i thought my life, at this point, would resemble. i would like to say that this time is all delicious ambiguity and the Lord is setting me up for the next great adventure into the unknown, but i find myself relinquishing it all to lethargy. i know that it's a matter of time before it will all be figured out. the questions will be answered. the mysterious will be familiar. the waiting will be a dance. but until then, i find myself simply waiting. and wishing my heart would catch up with my mind.

waiting. what a horrid word. but i know there has to be some goodness in it. it's sprinkled throughout scripture, infused in Christian literature, and seems not to be going anywhere anytime soon. earlier this year, i read a book called "when the heart waits" by sue monk kidd (not meaning "where is my husband") which has rocked my go-getter-self to the core.  mrs. kidd argued that waiting is a key ingredient in our spiritual recipe, which has been omitted from our fast-paced, want-it-now society. a society that has slowly, yet surely, seeped into our churches. she likened not waiting to abortion... interrupting the process of incubation in the midst of a tender (and necessary) growth process. 'everything incubates in darkness' she says. 'waiting is a verb' she comments. so now i face a time where i have challenged my heart to see the good in the waiting. see the good in the brink. and see the good in the rest that my heart and mind must lounge in the bosom of this amazing, patient God of mine. in fact, i like the word 'lounge' better than 'wait'....those that lounge, will their strength be renewed. rest. watch. drink it in. 

ahh lounge.