Thursday, November 13, 2008

i heart take thee mind

it has come to my attention as of late that there is a great divorce within me. no, i'm not talking about between a man and a wife or some residue from my parents' mishaps. i'm talking about between my heart and my mind. these two rather independent 'organs' contained within this one body have decided they have irreconcilable differences and have gone their separate ways. the lawyers have been hired, the papers signed, and the estate split. 

you see, my mind knows the Lord is a provider. this cheesecake is fattening. that guy is bad news. but my heart (the trickster that she is) deems the complete opposite. from the same mouth that spouts 'chin up, jamie' scripture can often speak disappointment and mistrust. within my head, i have relegated years of scripture study and reverent submission, yet this wayward heart continues to ebb and flow just like our united states stock market.  

the sad fact is that my heart doesn't want to be married to my mind. it would rather be 'free'... relinquishing the great and more for the sad and less. well heart, the grass isn't greener my friend. it would actually rather skip over feelings and clean house all day rather than say 'that hurts.'  did i mention my heart hates defeat? 

insert mind. my mind knows that God is good. that He can't not be good. if this is God's goodness then so be it. my mind knows this, yet why can't my heart reunite with it? 

this divorce has broken my hypothetical family and i am slowly but surely orchestrating the renewing of vows between a heart and a mind. unified diversity is what i like to call it. they might have varying opinions but these differences can create a majestic synergy that brings life. yes, Lord. 

i heart take thee mind....

"Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double." Zechariah 9:12

3 comments:

Katie said...

your blog makes me happy :)

Jess $ said...

oooh james. love love this. please keep on keeping on sister.

elizabeth said...

ok i love this one. seriously, i am going to read it again. good words my friend.